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Therapeutic counselling, online and in person.

  • Hello world!

    I’m an existentialist at heart. Most of the therapeutic work I do with clients comes from existential theory, and a large part of that is how we find/rediscover/create meaning in our lives.
    (please note ‘meaning’, not purpose. That’s a whole other post!)
    In a nutshell, where do you find meaning in the areas of your life?
    one way of looking at these areas is through the four ‘existential realms’ of the Physical, Psychological, Social and Spiritual or Ideal.
    As LGBTQ folks, we often feel divorced from the spiritual part of our lives; that sense of awareness of, and connection to, something larger than ourselves. whether that’s the ‘parent religion’ we were raised in, or a more general sense of spirituality. Maybe we were rejected by that religion, or chose to leave for our own safety.
    The quote ‘Nothing is true, everything is permitted’ (Nietzsche) has been interpreted a few different ways. My favourite is that, since there is no absolute, ‘True’ morality in the universe, we are beautifully free to create our own meaning. To find shared communal meaning outside those spiritual or religious frameworks that actively harm us and the world we live in.
    Maybe it’s down to ‘spooky season’ and the autumnal changes 🍂 but where do you find a sense of meaning or connection in the ‘realms’? which ones hold more meaning for you? where do they overlap?

Psychotherapy & Spirituality

(creative interventions in counselling)

There’s an intersection between human spirituality and psychology.

Ok, there are modalities which view human psychology primarily through a cognitive or behavioural lens (I’m looking at you, CBT) and I do occasionally work with some CBT techniques where appropriate with clients. That said, CBT and related approaches rarely hold space for the less tangible (yet inherently human) facets of human experience.

Now, I love existential theories. The Big Questions around who we are, why we are, how we relate, how we find meaning etc. These are the philosophical areas that really get me fired up! And applying existential theory to client work always brings up the most wonderful, world-changing realisations for the client. One ‘map’ that I love to use in exploring a client’s world is the ‘Existential Realms’. Imagine a four-circled Venn diagram, each circle overlapping with the next, so that at the central point they all overlap. Now each circle relates to a realm; the Physical, Psychological, Social and Spiritual. These are the realms where we find meaning (or lack of it).

The spiritual realm is what I’d like to focus on for a moment.

If you’ve ever experienced Transpersonal Psychotherapy, then you’ll recognise the links between spirituality, creativity and psychology. For the rest of us, the spiritual realm might seem a strange idea, too intangible to work with, or too loaded with religious trauma to even contemplate. I feel that intangibility is part of its beauty, though!

We can make meaning in that realm any way we choose! Maybe our sense of something greater than ourselves overlaps with our social realm, the other people in our lives. Maybe it satisfies our psychological needs, feeding our intellectual curiosity about our world. Often overlooked, the spiritual also overlaps with the physical, our embodied experience of nature and our own bodies. Immersion in nature is often the setting for huge personal realisation, or what some people experience as connection, ‘spiritual’ experience, gnosis.

Many therapists use tools of some sort in client work, particularly therapists who work creatively. And I’ve found that such creative tools fit perfectly within a humanist-existential approach. HE therapists are used to working with metaphor (the client’s) but I’m glad to see a larger toolkit being used by therapists.

One of my favourite tools is cards. There’s a dizzying number of therapy card decks, emotions cards, affirmation cards, oracle cards, tarot decks etc. A great thing about these is they’re philosophically and religiously neutral and can be used to explore any of our realms, not just the spiritual, although most people associate tarot with spirituality in some way. Traditional tarot decks depict universal human experiences and are applicable to any existential realm. They can also be used to explore archetypes, if Jungian psychology is more your thing. In the case of oracle or tarot cards, I find there are huge benefits when a client chooses to use them in therapy sessions:

1 The use of metaphor.

The images on a card can invite the client to expand on their narrative through metaphor. Maybe the image sparks a metaphor for the client to describe their experience/feelings/thoughts.

2 It offers a way to describe experiences which are hard to verbalise.

Related to the above, metaphors can give the client some distance from their feelings, holding them at a ‘safe distance’ whilst examining them. Visual language may be more manageable for the client.

3 It empowers the client.

Unlike traditional tarot readings where the reader draws the cards and interprets them for the client, instead the client chooses the card(s) they are most drawn to and relates it to their own narrative.

4 It can provide a fresh perspective.

The imagery, colours, narrative, scenarios etc. can invite the client to view their situation differently. They may consider other viewpoints, approaches, contexts, any number of realisations may occur.

5 The cards are adaptable to any therapeutic framework.

Traditional tarot cards are philosophically and religiously neutral, and modern decks are often better still, adapting the images and card titles for modern times and different client groups. Whether examining personal meaning, working with archetypes or examining our beliefs and behaviours, cards can be used (sparingly!) with many, if not all, therapeutic approaches.

I say sparingly, as the use of cards, or any creative tools, must be something the client chooses in a person-centred approach. Also, therapists and clients need to keep aware of over reliance on creative interventions at the expense of deeper, more meaningful psychotherapeutic work in the therapeutic relationship itself.

Try to think of cards as a ‘prompt, a way in. It could be a way to help get ‘unstuck’ with an issue, or a way to look at uncomfortable feelings at a safe distance.

Tips to Get Through Christmas.

We can’t all spend Christmas with our chosen family and friends, and spending Christmas with an unsupportive family can be emotionally taxing. Here are some strategies to help you protect your mental well-being and make the situation more manageable:

  1. Prioritise Your Safety
    Evaluate the Risks: If being with family feels unsafe—emotionally or physically—consider spending the holidays elsewhere. Your well-being matters most.
    Have an Ally: Bring a supportive friend or partner, if possible, or identify someone in the family who is understanding.
  2. Set Boundaries
    Prepare Responses: Decide in advance how you’ll handle homophobic or transphobic comments or intrusive questions. Responses like “I’d rather not discuss that” or “Let’s focus on this holiday etc.” can redirect conversations.
    Enforce Limits: If someone crosses a line, it’s okay to excuse yourself or leave the room.
  3. Seek Support
    Stay Connected: Lean on your chosen family (friends, LGBTQ+ community, or online support groups) for encouragement and solidarity before, during, and after the event.
    Plan Check-Ins: Arrange to text or call a supportive person during the day to decompress and feel less alone.
  4. Practice Self-Care
    Have an Escape Plan: Take breaks to go for a walk, meditate, or step outside if tensions rise. I used to sneak outside for so many ‘breathers’!
    Bring Comfort Items: Whether it’s a book, headphones, or something grounding, have tools to help you feel safe.
  5. Limit Engagement
    Stay Selective: Avoid triggering topics or conversations. Shift focus to neutral activities like decorating, cooking or playing games.
    Know When to Leave: If the environment becomes too toxic, it’s okay to cut your visit short.
  6. Redirect the Narrative
    Focus on Positives: Highlight shared interests or memories that foster connection without touching on sensitive topics.
    Practice Gratitude: While challenging, identifying small moments of kindness or joy can help balance the experience.
  7. Prepare Mentally
    Lower Expectations: Accept that your family’s views may not change, and their acceptance isn’t a reflection of your worth.
    Affirm Yourself: Remind yourself that you deserve love and respect, regardless of others’ opinions.
  8. Consider Alternatives
    Celebrate with Chosen Family: If being with your biological family feels harmful, spend time with supportive people who truly affirm your identity.
    Combine Plans: Split time between family and chosen family, or schedule a follow-up celebration with friends.
  9. Focus on the Future
    Use the experience to clarify what you want future holidays to look like. Each year, you can design a more affirming and joyful holiday season. This is my personal favourite, we get to create our own traditions, with those who mean the most to us!
    Stay safe this Christmas.